


Ashes and Blood

by Ravin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, POV Second Person, Poetry, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, podfic included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravin/pseuds/Ravin
Summary: Bucky reflects on who he is and what he has done.Written for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020 for my square C2: Ashes
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020





	Ashes and Blood

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely happy with the title, so it might change, but for now, enjoy and please let me know what you think.

Download or Stream from Dropbox: [MP3](https://www.dropbox.com/s/61hgct9038hukdi/Ashes%20and%20Blood.mp3?dl=0) | 00:02:48 | 2.68 MB

 **I.**  
The target, Steve, the Asset knew him,  
The Asset had memories of him,  
Smiles and laughter and that voice  
“Till the end of the line pal”

But the Asset didn’t have memories,  
The Asset was a tool, a weapon,  
They told him his work was a gift,  
That the Asset shaped the world.

But the Asset didn’t want to kill,  
The Asset knew the target–Steve,  
The Winter Soldier remembered,  
And Bucky Barnes woke up.

 **II.**  
His mouth tasted of ashes,  
Not the dust and the dirt of battle,  
But of the dead and the dying,  
That he put in the ground.

He didn’t remember them all,  
But he didn’t need to,  
He remembered enough.  
HYDRA’s files remembered the rest.

They told him it wasn’t his fault,  
They told him that HYDRA used him,  
They told him he was brainwashed,  
Their words were meaningless.

No amount of apologies could ever  
Undo the wrongs he’d committed.  
No amount of excuses could ever  
Bring back the dead.

 **III.**  
Steve–had a picture in his mind,  
An idea of who Bucky was  
Framed in his head, definite like  
A high-definition photograph.

It was Bucky from _Before,_  
A Bucky that never fell from that train,  
A Bucky that never lost his arm,  
A Bucky that knew who he was.

That Bucky wasn’t him.  
He didn’t know who he was.  
He knew who he wasn’t.  
But that blank was still too deep.

 **IV.**  
He wasn’t the Asset.  
He was a person.  
Not a thing.  
Not that thing.

He wasn’t the Winter Soldier.  
He never enlisted in HYDRA.  
He wouldn’t be their puppet  
His hands would not shape the world.

He’d been a soldier before,  
But not because he wanted to  
He was a soldier because he  
believed that he needed to.

He didn’t need to be a soldier now.  
The world had plenty of killers.  
And he didn’t want to kill anymore.  
He already drowns in the ashes and blood

But if he wasn’t any of those things,  
~~What~~ Who was he?


End file.
